
Growth Through Kindness Towards Yourself Sometimes, you need to vent. But when you do, someone might respond in a way that hits too close to the truth you’re trying to hide. This happened to me once when I complained about my partner to a friend. She asked questions that made me uncomfortable because I tend to blame myself. It might seem vital to take responsibility because it gives you control, but that self-blame often comes back to hurt you unexpectedly.
After a few of these experiences, I stopped voicing my complaints. “Whoever throws the ball should expect it back,” I thought. So, I kept my words inside, afraid of backlash. But that led to a breakdown of trust with friends and family. I didn’t realize that my true enemies were my guilt and fear. My friends wanted to help, but my constant self-blame made me see their remarks as an attack, leading to a breakdown of trust.
Now, feeling lonelier and looking back, I realize they didn’t miss the mark. They said what they dared to say because they cared and knew me well. I chose to cut off friendships, convinced I had to choose between them and my partner. But it wasn’t them who were incompatible—it was my thoughts about them.
People are so much more than our limited view of them. Their true complexity doesn’t always fit into the simplified models we use to navigate the world. This complexity is something I try to capture in my art, where self-compassion is key. When you paint, every brushstroke is an opportunity to either criticize yourself for a mistake or be gentle and see it as part of the process. Being hard on yourself can stifle creativity, whereas a little self-kindness allows you to see beyond imperfections and create something genuine.
Just like in life, the canvas doesn’t always cooperate. Colors mix unexpectedly, and shapes turn out different than you envisioned. In those moments, the ability to forgive yourself, to be gentle, is essential. It’s that same gentle understanding that can extend into your relationships and help you see people—yourself included—as evolving works in progress.
By becoming kinder to myself, I now see that it wasn’t others blocking me but my feelings of guilt. I’m still working on it, but I want to share this insight: kindness towards yourself leads to kindness towards others. It’s a journey, but one that offers hope for better, more fulfilling connections—and more honest, vibrant art.
Your post I can relate to. Thank you. It is good to talk about things that make us feel uncomfortable. Relationships are hard and often we need some deep self reflection to understand where we could improve on loving our significant others. Thank you Erica.
Right on the spot! What a marvelously connecting story, again!